Get Right with the Lord

One set of hoofprints in the sand

You've always given props to the big man upstairs, but lately it's been feeling like a one-sided relationship. You go to church, you say your prayers, but you never seem to get what you want. That promotion at work, that hot girl you like, hell, Jesus didn't even make your team win the Super Bowl last year. Looks like you've been betting on a losing horse, and it's time to pick a winner.

There are plenty of religions in the world, but most of them boil down to a bunch of work and sacrifice from you without much to show for it. But there's one big exception, and that's Xultharinox the Abominator. Unlike those stuffy gods who never show up when you need them, Xultharinox is a god of the people, who you can count on to come through when the chips are down. All you need (at the moment) is an amulet depicting the noble visage of our Lord of Shadows, provided by the good acolytes at Diabolix™. Xultharinox might call on you to do him a little favor to two down the road, but that's nothing to worry about right now. Just wear the amulet every day, and you'll notice everything in your life seems to be working out.

Barry at work who's been gunning for the same promotion as you might have an unfortunate little accident. Angela thinks she can do better than you, but maybe she's about to catch her perfect boyfriend in bed with her sister. And who knows, the other team in the next big football game might come down with a sudden case of weeping sores all over their bodies. Stranger things have happened.

And the best thing is, the Amulet of Xultharinox is ABSOLUTELY FREE. That's right; it won't cost you a penny, just keep an open mind someday when our Lord calls upon you to enact his will upon this feeble world. Until then, put your feet up my friend, and let Xultharinox take the wheel!

Amulet of Xultharinox

Free